When I was first asked to write this blog about my experiences of bullying I was hesitant because there were so many bullying incidents which came into my mind. Where do I start? I have High Functioning Autism and I have been bullied all my life. I have what is described as a ‘meek and mild nature’ which makes me vulnerable to bullies. Some people take advantage. It has tested my faith in human nature but for the few who go out of their way to make my life difficult there are still a lot of good people out there.
This blog is about my experiences of bullying in the NHS where I worked for 12 years. Some experiences were tolerable, I have developed a thick skin over the years, however even the name calling like ‘knob head’ by a senior consultant is still hurtful. It was over something that this senior consultant had instructed me to do. Despite making a complaint I was advised by the NHS Trust that due to a lack of evidence and witnesses, I was advised not to pursue the complaint. The male nurse that was in the room with us did not recall the consultant calling me this.
The one incident I will write about is the one which gave me no alternative but to blow the whistle and seek outside help. Even to this day over 4 years on the events of what happened still play over in my mind every day, over and over. It is an experience I will never forget and it was the actions of managers that led me to become very ill. There were onlookers who chose to look the other way some sided with the management. I suffered a mental breakdown and was off work for 12 months. To this day no member of staff has been made accountable for their actions. I was made redundant in January 2015 I have not worked since. My confidence is shattered and I have little trust in people especially those in authority.
This episode all began on the afternoon of Tuesday 3rd July 2012. I was doing the monthly reports as I have always done for 7 years. It was a set routine. However, that afternoon the routine was about to be turned upside down. While I was in the middle of doing my reports the lead consultant and the line manager came into my office. The lead consultant by the way was the same one that called me a ‘knob head’. They wanted me to go in to the system and alter the figures on the system. This would have created an imbalance in the system and the consequences of such actions could cause the system to crash. Despite the risks they were still determined to get me to alter the figures. They asked me where I sent this data to. I replied Finance. I was assured by the line manager that there were people in Finance that were ‘in on it’ and they would look the other way. This ‘unprofessional’ language that was being used made me feel very uncomfortable. It was later suggested by another consultant that I give the figures to the line manager to alter the figures. I was under huge pressure to do something that I knew was wrong. I did not know who to turn to. The procedure is that you report these incidents to your line manager but my line manager was in on it too. I did not know who I could trust. I did not know how high up the hierarchy the people knew about this. They had a duty of care. I was being failed by my employer. I always had requests in writing and I was always taught that if they are not prepared to put the request in writing assume something is not right. I smelt a rat. One that was going to get me into a lot of trouble.
I was so stressed out at this point I became very unwell. I felt sick. The strain was unbearable. I told the line manager that I am going home to seek legal advice. I consulted the Legal Advisory team at The British Computer Society of which I am a member. This was by phone. I explained to the Lawyer the events of that afternoon. I was told by the Lawyer that I was right to refuse to do these reports and that I should not touch this with a barge pole. I was told that if I was caught doing something like this I would ‘go down’ for it, my reputation would be in tatters and I would never work again. Even passing the data to someone else knowing it is going to be tampered with I would be ultimately responsible. It was clear the management and the lead consultant were deliberately trying to get me into to trouble. Serious trouble. I have autism and I am a vulnerable adult. This line manager and the lead consultant abused their position to ‘prey’ on a vulnerable person. I contacted my MP. On recommendation of my union I also raised my concerns with ‘Public Concern at Work’.
The next day Wednesday 4th July 2012 is a day I cannot forget. The events of that day still keep going over in my mind, as fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. The nightmare is still vivid. I was called to a meeting at 9am by my line manager. The manager explained that they had a £250,000 black hole that they needed to plug, disappear and they wanted to know how I was going to go about ‘fixing it’. I told this manager about the legal advice I had been given to which the manager immediately dismissed the legal advice I had been given and that this experienced lawyer did not know anything about the law. I was then subjected to continuous bombardment repeating the same question on how we are going to fix this £250,000 gap. I kept replying that ‘I am not manipulating the data’. It was all I could say. I was under so much stress I struggled to get my words out I was ‘falling’ over my words. I was deliberately being worn down. The manager was enjoying making me stammer and did it all the more knowing it was causing me huge distress. This cycle of asking how I was going to fix this gap and replying I am not manipulating the data went on and on. About the 7th or 8th time I was so worn down. I felt nauseous and light headed like I was going to pass out. I banged the table and retorted one last time ‘I am not manipulating the data’. My line manager said that I was out of order and she would not be spoken to in that way and that she felt threatened and would log a complaint against me. I said that I am being badgered in to doing something that is not right. My line manager then continued with how we are going to fix this gap. I replied I do not want to hear any more and got up and walked out the office. At this point I was very stressed and upset that I had been treated with such disrespect.
My line manager then pursued me back to my office like I was a fox being hunted. Back at my office I was then told by the line manager that I can go ahead and produce the monthly reports as I have always done. I asked for assurances that the data is not going to be manipulated in any way. The line manager said they would never do such a thing. I asked why I was told to stop doing the reports yesterday afternoon to which the line manager got up and walked away. I proceeded to produce the reports as I have always done every month for the last 7 years.
I was very shaken by the whole experience. However, my experience as I was warned by the Lawyer, who could read these managers like a book, was about to get a whole lot worse. I had a meeting with my MP on the Friday. Although, the management would not commit everything to writing I managed to get copies of emails which gave a gist of what they were up to and showed them to the MP. The MP agreed that what the management were trying to do they would not have got away with. The MP put it on a par with the LIBOR scandal but personally I think that was going a little too far. The experience had already started to take its toll on my health. Parliament was due to break up for the summer holidays and I was instructed by the MP to keep my head down until Parliament opens again in the autumn by which time I was going to be named in Parliament. This was to give me parliamentary protection which means any managers acting untoward against me they would be in contempt of parliament and it carries an automatic prison sentence. However, it later transpired that because I went to The British Computer Society first and not the MP this parliamentary protection was technically invalid. Going to the MP was for me the last resort rather than the first. You try to resolve these issues amicably first before escalating the problem prematurely and overreacting. The British Computer Society I regarded as my mentor, the one to go to when your own line manager is failing in their duty of care.
The line manager compiled a letter for me to sign outlining my unacceptable behaviour at the meeting. It was full of falsehoods. I was threatened by the manager that if I did not sign the letter agreeing to the content I would be in more serious trouble. I signed the letter under duress. The letter was sent to the house. I showed it to my elderly mother. She was deeply upset and knew that was not me. There were some claims in the letter that were not medically possible for me to do. I found the letter deeply upsetting and offensive. I sent a copy of the letter to my MP and my family advised me to raise a complaint against the trust. The Chief Executive for the Trust later apologised for the letter and the distress it caused. The line manager was not disciplined over the issue. The Chief Executive no longer works for the Trust.
Three weeks after I refused to alter the figures I was moved to work in a file storage room dubbed the ‘cupboard’. Before all this took off there were issues with my work environment. Health and Safety were repeatedly on their back to resolve this. Moving me to a cupboard was not what they had in mind. My workspace was cramped one could almost say claustrophobic. There was one small window but because of the building opposite there was little natural light in the room. The fluorescent light was on all the time. I am autistic and I have sensory impairments so you can imagine how uncomfortable it was. The ceiling was low so I had to have the fluorescent tube immediately above my head removed as it was causing me to suffer from debilitating migraines. This left me working in poor light. The file storage room was packed with paper files on shelves, in boxes on the floor. There was nowhere to walk for boxes on the floor. I often tripped over the boxes getting up from my seat. There was also a lift behind me used to transport files up from downstairs. For a while there was a woman sharing the cupboard with me. It was so cramped we were literally rubbing shoulders. It was difficult to move change posture. I suffered a lot from cramp at the end of the day. We were the two naughty people that had to be punished. That is how it felt. My work involved programming in Visual Basic which is highly skilled and requires a lot of concentration for long periods of time. This work environment was impossible to work in. There were staff coming in and out for files chatting, making noises. Opening the lift door operating the lift which was noisy. The moving of files would leave the air filled with dust including paper dust. The dust was everywhere. I was in that room for over 38 hours per week. It was impossible to concentrate on my work. I complained to my line manager but would not do anything about it. It was deliberate. They were hoping I would quit my job.
Three months later I suffered a mental breakdown. I could not cope anymore. The manager was bullying me to do work yet the manager could see I was struggling with the environment. I was also being given impossible tasks to do and being threatened with a disciplinary if I did not do them. I gave valid reasons why these jobs could not be done with evidence. The line manager would go away and then come back again a few days later with the same impossible requests. The line manager then threatened me again to report me for refusing to do my job. It was the last straw. I was completely broken. I went off sick and I raised a grievance against the trust. I suffered what I now believe to be autism burnout. Four years on and I still have not fully recovered.
I was signed off sick for 12 months during which time I was told that I was being made redundant. I was put through the redeployment process but without support for my autism there were no suitable jobs. The management repeatedly ignored recommendations from Occupational Health and my GP. The reasonable adjustments were considered very reasonable but the management did not want to support my disability. From the grievance report the trust made it clear they were not an autism friendly employer. The reality was they did not want to redeploy me. They wanted to get rid of me.
My grievances with the NHS Trust were not upheld despite the evidence that was given to them. It was clear my grievances were not taken seriously. I was told by the line managers’ manager that I could appeal against the decision but the outcome would still be the same. I felt gutted, let down by my employer. I remember walking out of the hospital gates after I had been told that my grievances were not upheld, I was walking towards the bus stop and there was this huge lorry hurtling at speed coming towards me. I had this strong urge to want to step out into the road in front of it. My employer left me feeling suicidal.
I worked so hard for them over the years. I did a lot of work in my own time literally hundreds of hours. I was punished because I was passionate about my job. I was honest and wanted to do the job properly and work to the procedures laid down by the Trust. Yet according to this management I was wrong to do this. Or maybe it was just a hatred towards people like me because I am different. I was bullied by the organisation.
Just after I left the Trust I had to undergo painful physiotherapy to realign my shoulder blades. The one shoulder blade had dropped. The physiotherapist said it was one of the worst cases he had seen. He even took a photograph of it for his records. The therapy went on for six weeks. It was put down to not having a proper work environment and that I was not able to change my posture. While working at this Trust I never had a proper desk to work at.
I have been out of work two years now. My confidence is shattered. My prospects for getting back into work look slim. My MP should have done more to support me. I have been left very much on my own.
Written by guest blogger Michael Andrews Twitter Handle @MJohnA01
Want to have your voice heard? Become a guest blogger and tell your story. Anonymous contributions welcomed. Contact us on antibullyingnhs@googlemail.com
anti-bullying NHS 